I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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