There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
