She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
