Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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