whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
