The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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