My cat gives me a boner
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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