He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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