i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
