So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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