Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
