I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
