Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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