I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
