The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
