I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
