It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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