And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
