porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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