Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
