doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're too hungover to prance.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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