Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
