At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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