I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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