Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
