my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
