i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
