Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
