So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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