I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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