She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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