talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
