you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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