is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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