Your face is a jimmy john
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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