So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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