When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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