well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
