so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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