I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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