Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
