I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
