i think my tv is drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she told me i tasted like america
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
