You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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