I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
