I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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