So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
