I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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