You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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