I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Still dying that you shit outside
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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