Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
