Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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