was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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