I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
