I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
