im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
