apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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