How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I believe in your delicious
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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