it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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