Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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