I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
