So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
