I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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